The Villa Week #6: Stand up if you love the Villa

Are you sure you’re capable of keeping up to date with Villa. To be blunt, I don’t think I am. I’m using this column as a learning exercise. Can James Rushton digest everything that happened to Villa in the last week? The answer - maybe, and this column is my test.

I would very much like to start off this column by stating that my heart is ready to burst if Villa can banter their way to second place in the Championship.

There.

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Safe Standing

All week we’ve been talking about safe standing? Why? Because it’s a cool thing that the Government don’t want anyone doing. Well, not if you’re at the football, and not if you’re in the top two leagues of English football. Otherwise, you can stand to your heart’s content.

To put it crudely, it’s f**king odd that we can’t regulate standing at football match in 2018. So sign the petition, get fans standing safe and we might just makes football stadiums a better place.

Aston Villa ‘did a good’ by backing the campaign, so why don’t you do a good as well?

Glue Man

The glue man has been a bit of a Villa icon over the past month or so, and if you follow the Villa Instagram accounts, you’ll know someone is sticking the shoes of Villa players to the door of dressing room lockers. He’s gotten a bit of flack from people when Villa lose, because when Villa lose a game of football, the players must cut their tongues out and watch the American remake of Oldboy over and over again instead of doing anything close to smiling.

Do you know who the glue man is? Do you know who the glue man is? The glue man who makes your dad (and certain Villa blogs) mad when he has a bit of fun and glues a shoe to a door? I do.

It’s Glen Whelan.

You can colour me more than surprised.

Ipswich

Photo by Stephen Pond/Getty Images

That? That’s the face of a man who deserved more. After half a decade at Ipswich Town, Mick McCarthy left not to the thunder of honest applause, but to a chorus of boos.

While Mick isn’t in a job, Villa took to doing a bit of avenging. There’s a lot of that going on this week. Seeing Henri Lansbury and Birkir Bjarnason combine for a cross-pitch hail-mary was fantastic. Excellent shithousing when you’re 3-0 against a team crying out loud for the agony to end.

It’s Lewis Grabban

Yes it is.

#AVFC

Let us enjoy a momentary interlude to check in on a popular tweet in #AVFC world.

Jesus Christ. If this happened, I’m not totally sure about how I’d take it. I think I’d wobble about a bit, try to contain myself, have a FAB ice-lolly, and just stare at the floor dribbling for a bit. Don’t ask me why I mentioned the FAB, I hate them, but can you imagine? I’m in the loft room of the house and I’d be out the Velux window. Straight. I’d celebrate that Gardner goal so hard I’d likely piss myself. Struggling for words here. I’ve grabbed a dictionary. It’s told me about the word bethought. I’ll put it there to calm down, but man it’s all thanks to -

Derby

Gary Rowett is the dreamweaver of the Championship, the Pied Piper of hopes. Drawing us in with his Midlands notes before punting us off a cliff. Did he have to go and beat Cardiff by three goals to one? Did he really have to do that? His side of kittens decided they didn’t like tummy rubs anymore and caught Neil Warnock in his eyes with a vicious baby-claw. He’s over there. One-eyed Neil, screaming without the benefits of depth-perceptions. He’s throwing punches, he’s missing. He’s blind and screaming and Cardiff are dropping.

It’s on, so please do us a favour and go back to being Derby on Saturday, when Villa play you.

KIT NEWS

I TOLD YOU LUKE 1977 WOULD BE MAKING VILLA’S NEW KIT AND YOU SAID THINGS LIKE THIS TO ME.

Oh, and as for my Holtecast brother? He can get into the lake of snakes as well.

Judas.