Hey it’s me and it’s time for something new. I used to be the optimist around these parts - the type of person who wanted Lambert to stay despite his head being called for by the bedsheet warriors of Birmingham. I want to bring that back. The world is full of too much silly stupid things, so why not look on the bright side - or those silver linings. Believe me, they can be found everywhere.

So, Villa got done by Cardiff, and not just done - they got proper Escobar’d, full on Narco’d, Ozarked, Breaking Badded. Aston Villa’s guts are seeping through to where Ninian Park used to be under the stadium. In fact, the mole people living under Cardiff are probably feeding off of Aston Villa’s remains right now. That’s not good. Even then, there’s a bright side to look onto. Join me and bask in the land of optimism.

Steve Bruce won’t manage Villa forever!

Whether you’re #BruceIN or #BruceOUT, it’s impossible for Bruce to be at the helm of Villa forever. There is mortality to consider, of course (grim but so is heading to flipping Cardiff to watch your team get smacked around by Neil Warnock), but there is also the fact that managing a football team isn’t often a job for life. This will be over soon, so just enjoy it while you can and back the feckin’ team.

Aston Villa made mistakes that won’t happen again

HAHA! Got you!

Aston Villa made mistakes that might not happen again

Seriously, Villa were awful today and that’s because of a number of things that Alex Carson will explain to you tomorrow in a better way than I can. However, there’s one thing my simple mind spotted from the #numbers and it’s the fact that Villa had no left side presence throughout the ENTIRE GAME OF FOOTBALL. That’s a huge mistake and it’s a big reason as to why Villa got dominated. Gabby flocked into the centre to grab a goal - bless him - but that made Villa incredibly lopsided. John Terry got caught out fleeing to left-back and a goal was conceded because of this. I can’t honestly believe that Steve Bruce would ever let this happen again, and if it does - he’s a big old idiot.

Sometimes you’re the hammer, sometimes you’re the nail!

The xG also shows one thing - and it’s that Villa were hammered. Cardiff ran at Sam Johnstone and Villa with reckless abandon. It’s like 1 time in every 100 that this pays off and it paid off for Neil Warnock. Cardiff went for the jugular from the off and you can’t defend that, seriously. Like, if you’re at crossing minding your business in a car and a truck smashes into you, you can’t do anything. Villa are the car, but often enough - they are the truck.

It’s fun seeing some Villa players

Even in a loss, it was great to see Josh Onomah and Callum O’Hare just plain hustle. They had fun, wanted to make things happen and played football. It’s good to see.

Aston Villa aren’t the worst thing in the world

Seriously, if you’re so upset about Aston Villa, there’s dozens of things you can read that will upset you even more. Hey, they might even make Aston Villa look good!

Nuclear war might end this hell

When the *nukes start flying you’ll be dead and that’s not good but at least you won’t have to watch Aston Villa ever again right? Burning inside the fires of one thousand suns is no joke, but what the hell can you do about it. Haha. Oh.

Game of Thrones is back on Sunday/Monday

So we can start speaking about that again. Goody.

*This is a lighthearted column, but seriously - screw nuclear weapons. Sign up to ICAN to learn more about this giant shit things and please actively protest their presence.