The folks over at Cartilage Free Captain, led by their editor Dustin Menno, have graciously agreed to take part in the first annual #AdeCup with us. If you're unfamiliar with the competition 1) Where have you been all season and 2) please read up here!
Well, today is the first meeting of the combatants in the #AdeCup, and for an #AdeCupdate, I turned to Dustin to answer a few questions. He graciously agreed because that's just the sort of gentleman he is. Here's our conversation:
RL: Spurs let go of the namesake of the #AdeCup. How did that make you all feel?
DM: Full disclosure: I liked Ade. I’ll probably always like Ade. I don’t think any single Spurs player has earned as much scorn heaped upon him since Sol Campbell. Say what you want about him – a lot of people have – but Ade went through a lot of crap in his life that nobody should ever have to go through. I have a lot of time and sympathy for him even as I acknowledge that he never had a future under Mauricio Pochettino. It was time for him to go, and while he thoroughly burned his bridges at Spurs like he did every other club, I still wish him well.
…Oh, wait, you wanted a funny answer, didn’t you? Too bad.
RL: Well, I did. But now let me force the funny issue: was the biggest mistake that Spurs have made in their history A) Letting go of Adebayor, 2) Never marketing Kool-Ade in their concessions, or c) Not making certain that Adebayor played in every match?
DM: Oh Em Gee, Kool-Ade. Can you picture the commercials?! A pair of kids are training at Villa Park and are dogging it, when suddenly Ade bursts through a brick wall holding a pitcher and yelling "ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!" This was a huge missed opportunity, FFS LEVY.
But honestly, forget Kool-Ade. We've been making Power Horse jokes for years! Look at this commercial! Ade does a samba, chugs AND crushes a mini-can of Power Horse, and then plays keepy-uppy with it before directing a smoldering look at the camera and whispering "Take it on!" Sometimes reality is better than any fiction we could ever come up with.
RL: Coincidentally, Power Horse was (not) my nickname in high school! Anyhow, in our last 14 meetings, Spurs have a 10-3-1 record against Aston Villa. Some might suggest that this sort of dominance shows that Spurs are a better team. But what this question presupposes is: maybe Villa are just due. Thoughts?
DM: Spurs should win this match comfortably. And that is exactly what will be our downfall.
See, I know what’s going to happen. First, Lee Mason will be color commentator for this match because goddammit. Second, some intrepid cameraperson will happen upon a shot of Adebayor and Benoit Assou-Ekotto in the luxury boxes wearing #againstmodernfootball scarves and sipping Power Horse-and-sloe-gin cocktails out of pewter hip flasks. Third, Brad Guzan will suddenly go full Inspector Gadget in goal making 15 saves and Gabby Agbonlahor will score a 95th minute winner off his ass because of course he will.
Meanwhile, my Twitter timeline will be nothing but tweets of this Vine. [Robert's note/trigger warning: Vine contains Tim Sherwood. Click at your own risk.] And I’ll hit the bourbon.
RL: Tim Sherwood's free now. If y'all are looking for a manager, would you let me write a column explaining why you should probably avoid him?
DM: The thing about Tottenham managerial changes is that we tend to repeat the same repeated cyclical pattern: arm-around-the-shoulder English "player’s manager" fails —> hire a foreigner! —> this guy doesn’t know English footy —> oh shit we suck #LEVYOUT —> fire the foreigner! —> hire a arm-around-the-shoulder English "player’s manager." So if we do ever get to the point where we have to fire Pochettino, our supporter base will be distraught enough that we would likely consider hiring one of Tim Sherwood, Neil Warnock, or Alan Curbishley.
So yes, please write the column and put it in the "break glass when needed" emergency case. I’m counting on you.
RL: [The following question was highlighted in black so Dustin could not see it until he copy/pasted it or did something to un-highlight it. This was to minimize his chance at cheating.]
You have sixty seconds to come up with (and type) as many Spurs or Villa puns as you can. Your time starts... NOW!
DM: Oh! Oh crap, uh… you must be jo-King. Here comes the Son. Poch Spice/Hot Pochet. Up from the grave Danny Rose. Nabil’s BanterLab. Grealish you a Merry Christmas. That Idrissa is quite a Gueye. Bacuna Matata. Jabba the Hutton. Uhhh… Mark Bunn [Beavis laugh]. I hate Ayew for making me do this.
I Sherwood like this to be over. Kiss my Assou-Ekotto, Robert, you ever tried to make a pun from "Toby Alderweireld?"
[Editor's note: Bra. Vo.]
RL: Finally, let's get down to business. Villa have gifted Spurs a 13-point lead in the #AdeCup. We requested the slow start to make things fair between our sites. But, since I'm a nice man, I'd like to give you the chance to surrender now without having to do the punishment of singing and writing a paean. If you do not accept, please answer the following question: Why do you insist on not coming to terms with your inevitable loss in the #AdeCup?
DM: Whaddya mean "haven’t come to terms?" Lads, it’s Tottenham. We haven’t met a cup that we can’t lose. If it’s possible for Spurs to lose the #AdeCup on a missed Harry Kane penalty away to Newcastle on May 15, we’ll do it. Actually, scratch that: somehow, and I deeply, deeply believe this, we’ll win the Adebayor Cup only to have Chelsea swoop in and take it away from us. That’s right, I’m calling it right now: Chelsea wins the #AdeCup because reasons.
Tanks so much to Dustin for taking the time to answer our #banter his way. Thanks, too, for putting SB Nation's Chelsea blog We Ain't Got No History on notice for the #AdeCup. Someday we'll expand this thing to cover the whole SB Nation empire, including the baseball blogs.
If you aren't yet, give CFC and Dustin a follow on twitter, they're excellent people and some of my very favorite football bloggers around. And if you're looking for more #banter check out my answers to Dustin's questions on CFC.