REVEALED: Aston Villa buyers will receive actual villa in deal

If you're looking for a new house within a half hour drive of Villa Park, have I got a deal for you. For the low price of £150 million pounds, you can be the owner of a farmhouse situated on sixteen acres of land in Bodymoor Heath. Did I mention that the mansion, nay, villa, has history? I mean, the house itself has been resided in by millionaire Randy Lerner, but the real history comes in the accessories.

If you purchase this house, Mr. Lerner will be willing to throw in one of the founding members of The Football League and one of only five English clubs to have ever won a European championship. Aston Villa may be mired deeply in a relegation battle, but they are still an absolute showpiece for your new home. Imagine, instead of playing FIFA on your stupidly large television, you could instead head down to your oversized back yard on Trinity Road and play a real-life game of FIFA with a team of players who probably average a rating of 70 or so.

And speaking of stupidly large televisions, imagine how many of them you can buy with the more than £50 million in subsidized TV money you'll get every year (some limitations apply). You'll also have access to award-winning lawn-care specialists to keep your grounds looking pristine year-round.

You may see other realtors pitching this to you as "buy a football club and have a house as well," but they've got it all wrong. This is an investment in a gorgeous property that has an incredible incentives package attached. But act fast! Two groups are already rumoured to want in on this deal. The American odd couple of Henry Silverman and Todd Boehly are apparently eager to move from baseball dugouts to a true Villa, and an unspecified UK conglomerate are also interested. But if you act today, we can assure you of a house that will give you everything you've ever wanted in life, with only minimal upkeep!

For more information, please contact Randy Lerner.