clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Finding new and interesting ways for Aston Villa to lose their remaining matches

New, comments

It's gonna happen, lets do it in fun ways.

Clive Mason/Getty Images

With ten matches left in Aston Villa's season, relegation is all but confirmed. At this point, I've given up any hope of them winning another match this season. Ten matches is a decent amount, so maybe they can find a win or two somewhere, but I've given up even hoping for one, much less expecting/thinking we have a chance at one.

Getting outplayed every week has gotten boring. If Villa are gonna lose every week, lets do it with style. With that in mind, here's a look at Aston Villa's ten remaining fixtures, and a new and interesting way they could lose each of them.

Saturday: Manchester City

Getting crushed by City wouldn't exactly be new territory for Villa. Yes, Man City's form hasn't been great lately, but the 4-0 FA Cup defeat was barely a month ago. What I'm expecting for this match is for Villa to battle City for 80 minutes, only to score an own goal in the 83rd minute. And then the floodgates will open and Villa will still lose 5-0.

March 13: Tottenham Hotspur

Despite the result on Wednesday, Tottenham will still be in the title race in ten days' time. And judging by how they handled their opportunity to go top of the table, it may go poorly for them. Villa will take a lead in the first half. However, Spurs will continue to batter Villa's back line and eventually put two goals past them.

March 19: Swansea City

Swansea have opened up a bit of a gap in the relegation race, but they're still in it. And considering that Villa likely can't be mathematically relegated by then, this will be a "relegation six-pointer" in the loosest possible sense. I know effort has seemingly been a bit of the problem, but with relegation staring us straight in the face by this point, the players will be amped. Unfortunately, that will lead to Joleon Lescott getting into a fight with Swansea's mascot. Cyril the Swan. He will be sent off for it and will also break his arm and be out for the remainder of the season. Villa lose 2-0.

April 2: Chelsea

After a two-week break, Villa will come into their home match against Chelsea rested. Too rested. Gabby Agbonlahor will fall asleep in the center circle and force the match to continue around him. Chelsea win 4-1.

April 9: Bournemouth

Villa will have a chance in this match, considering Bournemouth are one of the team's Villa have defeated this season. Eddie Howe's team will know that they have to play better than the first meeting and will be well prepared. Meanwhile at Villa, in an attempt to make everyone less sad, Remi Garde's training sessions for the week will be replaced with a pizza party. Villa lose 3-1.

April 16: Manchester United

It's Villa playing against United, this one will play out as it always does: Villa lose in the last minute after some United youngster scores a goal with his face.

April 23: Southampton

Garde will have well and truly given up by this point, and will have Alan Hutton play the match in a duck costume. Southampton win 3-0.

April 30: Watford

The game will be delayed after a dog runs on the pitch. However, the Villa players will then explain that the dog is actually the team's new right back. The dog scores a goal, but Villa lose 3-1.

May 7: Newcastle United

In a battle of two relegated teams, neither look capable of breaking down the other. However, in the final minute, Newcastle deflect a goal in off a still duck-costumed Hutton.

May 15: Arsenal

Completely out of ideas, Garde will send out a lineup of 11 inanimate objects. The new and improved team put up much more of a fight and only lose 2-1.