What? How? How is there another match today. Aston Villa just lost their seventeenth match (related: hahahahahahahahahaha) barely more than 72 hours ago. We should all be given a break. Surely making us go yet again as if in some Paul Lambertesque nightmare Hellscape violates at least one of the tenets of the Geneva Conventions, no?
But alas, we go again. This time against Everton who currently sit in what must be to them a disappointing twelfth place, but to us would be seen as nothing short of a miracle. Everton are a team made up of Romelu Lukaku and a bunch of players who are not nearly as entertaining as Romelu Lukaku. Romelu Lukaku is in possession of both a name that is so much fun to say that you can't help but say the whole thing and the talent necessary to get a hat-trick against Villa.
And after losing 2-1 to Stoke, Aston Villa are surely done. So today's real drama will come in the 74th minute when we see just how many fans decide to actually be #OutTheDoorOn74. My guess is that the protest won't have nearly as many participants as organizers would have hoped if only because there probably won't be that many people at Villa Park today.
If you'd like to watch along, we've got everything you need below. If you'd rather forget about Aston Villa, I've provided some recipes that should do the trick. You will also find them below. In fact, everything you need to get through this evening, however you want, is below. You're welcome.
Location: Villa Park, Birmingham, England
Kick-off time: 7:45 PM GMT, 2:45 PM Eastern, 11:45 AM Pacific
SB Nation Everton Blog: Royal Blue Mersey
Available TV: Sky Mexico (Costa Rica)
Available streaming: NBC Sports Live Extra
Available radio: BBC WM 95.6 FM (UK), AVTV (subscription required), Westwood One Sports (US), TalkSport Radio World
For listings in other countries, check out LiveSoccerTV.com.
Aston Villa squad
Forget about Aston Villa libation - fancy version
- 2 oz bourbon or rye
- 2 sugar cubes or 2 tsp sugar or 2 teaspoons of simple syrup
- Bitters (I like a blend I've made using bourbon and aromatic bitters ingredients with cinnamon sticks, but plain ol' aromatic or orange bitters will do wonderfully)
- Orange peel
Forget about Aston Villa libation - less fancy version
- Bourbon, or alcohol of your choice
- Ice. Or not.
- Glass. Or not.