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A plan to return Aston Villa to the glory days

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Gun Goat is a heavily-armed, football-managing goat. He can be found on Twitter @GunGoat.

The annual tradition of Aston Villa searching for a new manager is again upon us as Tim Sherwood has been sacked. This comes not even a full year after the sacking of Paul Lambert, so it's becoming increasingly clear that the club has to get the next appointment right.

When Lambert was sacked last February, I laid out my five-point plan to help Villa escape relegation. The club unfortunately decided to go in a different direction and now find themselves right back in trouble once again. So I have returned again to add another chapter to my manifesto in the hopes that I can land the job this time around.

One thing I left a little vague last time around was my tactical approach, which may have left the club wanting to know more. I am a manager who prefers to play attacking football. Now, I know that, in theory at least, this isn't much different that Sherwood's approach. But here's the difference, my tactics will work. We will pour men forward in an effort to score. And if the other teams starts a counter attack? Technically, there are no laws of the game that prevent our defenders from pouring out a bag of marbles as the other team comes down the other end of the pitch.

During Sherwood's final days at the club, he bemoaned the summer transfer policy of the club. He basically admitted that he would have rather have brought in more English players with Premier League experience. My retort is that players don't need Premier League experience to succeed at this level. Something you may not know about me is that I'm Chilean. My dad was actually in Chile's 1974 World Cup squad, which you can see in this definitely not edited screenshot from Wikipedia:

cannongoat

I believe that my worldly experience will definitely help me work with all the players of various nationalities in this squad.

Another thing I failed to mention in my previous plea was about how I deal with the media. I believe in being direct with the media without letting them know too much. I will get my points across without being a quote machine like the last guy. Here is a little something from my time playing as Villa boss on Football Manager 11.

See? I am able to clearly and quickly articulate my point that Alex McLeish is a jerkbutt.

I am not an orthodox choice, I realize that. There are not many genetically modified animals in football management today. But if I get this chance, the club will not regret it. I mean, actually they might. But they won't regret when I take the squad on a field trip to toilet paper the Hawthorns.