Aston Villa have a need, and I know just how to fulfill it

To whom it may concern-

I write, yet again, in response to a job posting from your club. You may remember that I submitted an application to be a member of the Fan Squad last summer. You may also not remember, because I never heard back from you. Frankly, I found that to be a bit rude, but let's allow bygones to be bygones. 

Now you seek a club journalist, and I believe that I am (once again) uniquely qualified to meet your needs. Please allow me to elaborate.

• You request someone who can work on all platforms of media. I have experience in social media, video, web work, and print journalism. 
• You mention that the job will require the employee to generate "interesting and innovative content." Those are things that I can do. If you'd like interesting, what could be more so than the plight of human struggle. The theatre of humanity is the most interesting of all plots, from the heights of power:
  
   
  
  To the pits of despair when that power inevitably fails:
  
  
  
  As for innovative, I can tell an entire story in one image. For instance, here is my recap of the 2013-14 season:
  
  
  
  Hard to be much more innovative than that. 
• You want someone who can drive traffic to a website. I have helped to grow 7500 to Holte considerably in the past few years, but don't take my word for it. Here's one satisfied customer:
  

  @biggestvillan @7500toHolte They write about EVERYTHING for ad revenue! If it's an obvious hoax and BS, you should just kill it & not spread

  — My Old Man Said (@oldmansaid) May 16, 2014

  Imagine my gall. Using a website as a platform to obtain readers! And I can do that for you, too!
• You want someone who can interview a wide range of personalities. Something like the chat Jack Grimse and I had with the Birmingham Mail's own Mat Kendrick? Or perhaps the time that I talked to myself for an article on Villa goals? Yeah, I've got interviews down. 
• You want someone to interact with fans on different media for matchday coverage. You also want someone to embrace the "brand values, our tone of voice." I can do these things. I'm great at delivering bad news in a palatable manner (something that is vital for anyone delivering news from Villa):

  We’re back underway. I’m sorry, you’re welcome.

  — 7500 To Holte (@7500toHolte) May 11, 2014

  
  I can embrace the values of Villa football:

  Villa had a corner! They didn’t do anything with it! You have no idea if this tweet is real or pre-set!

  — 7500 To Holte (@7500toHolte) May 11, 2014

  
  I engage in disputes in a friendly manner:

  Perhaps my previous KEA tweet was too subtle: WHY ARE WE SEEING HIM AND NOT GREALISH OR ROBINSON YOU TWUNTS?

  — 7500 To Holte (@7500toHolte) May 11, 2014

  
  And I offer frank assessments of the situations tailored to make the fans like Villa more:

  What a pile of fecal matter.

  — 7500 To Holte (@7500toHolte) May 11, 2014

Also, since I will be writing for the official site, I am well aware that I will be publishing many pieces that, as the colloquial phase goes, polish the turd. I'm happy to do that, as I will stoop to any level for journalism. 

@7500toHolte You'll write about anything! ;)

— My Old Man Said (@oldmansaid) May 12, 2014

You'd be hard-pressed to find a better recommendation than that.

If you'd like answers to any further questions, feel free to tweet them at me (@7500toHolte) or leave them here in the comments! (I hope you noticed how I engage my audience.)

I hope to hear from you soon!

All the best,

Robert Lintott