Aston Villa have not won a football match since September 13th. Today is November 14th. That is over two months. While the draw against West Ham was at least a step in the right direction, it still wasn't a win. The next match against Southampton doesn't seem promising, but the following week's trip to Burnley might be a decent chance. Not wanting to wait that long, I made myself a time machine and decided to see how long the win-less streak will last.
Due to injuries, Jores Okore is forced into the starting lineup. He makes it through the full 90 minutes, but does score an own goal in a 2-0 loss. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.
Villa take an early lead against Burnley thanks to a goal from Andreas Weimann. However, Burnley come storming back to win 2-1 after a series of defensive errors from Ciaran Clark. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.
February 10, 2015
Unable to pick up a win in the meantime, Villa take a lead away at Hull and look set to finally end the run. In the 90th minute, a Hull City corner kick pinballs off all eleven Aston Villa players before hitting off Philippe Senderos' face and ballooning into the net. The match finishes 1-1. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.
May 24, 2015
On the final day of the season, neither team can muster any sort of attack and the match between Villa and Burnley finishes 0-0. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.
October 31, 2015
Villa travel to Blackburn to take on Rovers. In the 35th minute, Gabby Agbonlahor goes past the keeper and looks set to slot home a goal into an empty net. However, he falls over and the ball meekly rolls over the endline for a goal kick. A frustrated Brad Guzan is sent off after wandering outside the box and putting in a two-footed, studs up tackle...on Ciaran Clark. Blackburn win 1-0.
March 19, 2016
Villa host Championship relegation candidates Brentford. In an effort to distract the opposition, Alan Hutton plays the match in a full chicken suit. It works for a little bit, but the other 21 players eventually chase him out of the stadium after the 30th time he hacks down a Brentford player and says it was a "fowl". Brentford win 2-0.
September 10, 2016
With both teams now in League One, the Second City Derby makes a 'triumphant' return. All fans in attendance fall asleep. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.
December 4, 2027
Due to the financial troubles of several other clubs, Aston Villa have remained in League One, despite not winning a match in 13 years. After running out of pre-match speech ideas, Paul Lambert performs all of Celine Dion's Let's Talk About Love album to try and pump up the team. Norwich City beat Villa 3-1.
March 14, 2049
Gabby Agbonlahor's son Zabby Agbonlahor makes his debut for the club. He looks promising but is wayward in front of goal as Villa lose to Cheltenham Town 2-0. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.
August 26, 2062
Robot players are finally legalized and allowed to play professional football. Aston Villa eagerly introduce their model: Benteketron. In its first match, a League Cup tie against Tottenham Hotspur, Benteketron is sent off after blowing up Ryan Mason-bot. Spurs advance with a 4-0 win.
October 28, 2089
Human-cat hybrid Tabby Agbonlahor makes his debut for the club. He scores a goal early, but it begins raining in the second half, sending Tabby into a tail spin. Villa lose to Wrexham 2-1.
February 43, 2101
The score is 0-0 in the 90th minute in a Conference North match against Birmingham City in post-apocalyptic Villa Park. Tabby Agbonlahor scores a late goal to put Villa ahead in what wound up being his final season as a player. Villa hang on for their first win in 87 years. Nathan Baker has to be taken off in the 67th minute after suffering a head injury.