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Ryan Bertrand Russell: Left back, philosopher, mathematician, charming lad

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Aston Villa got more than they bargained for when they signed Ryan Bertrand on loan.

Christopher Lee

Most every tweet and story I've seen about new Aston Villa loanee Ryan Bertrand just uses the Chelsea defender's last name. "Bertrand signs for Villa." "Bertrand looks to be useful." "Bertrand and the Birthday Surprise." &c.

Well, thanks to my only passing knowledge of the rest of the universe - and not living in England where the name is more common - when I hear the name Bertrand, my mind inevitably sails to Bertrand Russell. Russell was, as you likely know, an English a Welsh philosopher and mathematician. And that got me thinking: what would we hear from Ryan Bertrand Russell, the philosophizing sportsman who coincidentally also plays a fine left back? Let's see below.

  • "The trouble with the Villa is that the strikers are cocksure and the defense are full of doubt."
  • "Strikers are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by playing for Aston Villa."
  • "To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between Aston Villa's defense and strikers a perfectly good midfield doing useful things, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice."
  • "To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. It is why Aston Villa fans who come to Villa Park expecting to see goals are among the happiest in the world."
  • "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. The time you spend watching Aston Villa play Hull City is."
  • "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of the Villa faithful."
  • "Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame. Sorry, Paul Lambert."
  • "There is much pleasure to be gained from useless football."
  • "Anything you're good at contributes to happiness. It is why Aston Villa fans who come to Villa Park expecting to see goals are among the saddest in the world."
  • "Football may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true."
  • "Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know, and Aston Villa's strikers are philosophers of scoring."
  • "Reason is a harmonising, controlling force rather than a creative one. Aston Villa's midfield is neither."
  • "The secret to happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible. It is why Aston Villa fans who come to Villa Park expecting to see goals are among the happiest in the world."
What Ryan Bertrand Russell-isms do you have? Let us know in the comments!