Yeah, we're bad at this. But it keeps our eyes turned to the football and that can only be a good thing.
€1 4-fold, return of €14.26
Porto vs. Sporting Lisbon: Both teams to score (4/5), Fredy Montero to score (13/5)
This is called "putting all of your eggs in one basket" and it's pretty stupid, but it's not real money so whatever. Sporting and Porto are the class of Portugal and they're both averaging over two goals per game. Putting an individual goalscorer into an accumulator like this is also stupid, but it's not as stupid as Fredy Montero's goal scoring rate so far this season.
Bayern Munich home win against Herta Berlin (1/10)
I feel pretty comfortable with this.
€1 to return €2.37, Tijuana home win against Tigres UANL (11/8)
Considering how much of it I watch I have surprisingly little feel for the Mexican Primera, but I like Xolos and do not like Tigres so what the hell.
€1 to return €4.50, Chicago Fire away win at New York Red Bulls (7/2)
On the face of it this bet looks insane, but A) MLS has this season been more like Major League Coin Toss and B) New York would clinch the Supporters Shield with a win, which would give them the first major trophy in the club's history. Blowing games like this is kind of their thing
€2 to return €6.50, Aston Villa to draw with Everton (9/4)
Out of the last eleven matches between these two clubs, eight have been draws. By no means is that a guarantee that this will happen again, but as has been clearly established by now, I am very bad at this.
€1 to return €4.00, Barcelona to draw with Real Madrid (3/1)
If I strike out again, I'm all out of fictional money. Good thing I'm one of the only writers for this site that lives in a country where betting on sports is totally legal.
wrong: Gareth will still have.23 cents! Go nuts!
5€ Saturday 4-fold , 21.95€ return
Crystal Palace v Arsenal: away win (1/3)
Palace are hopeless and just sacked their manager, Arsenal are still in great form despite having lost midweek to Dortmund in the Champions league.
Schalke v Borussia Dortmund: away win (5/6)
The Königblauen look to knock off their local rivals Dortmund for the third straight time in this derby match, but Klopp's side should prove to be too strong.
ADO Den Haag v FC Twente: away win (2/5)
Twente are still top, while ADO sit third from the bottom.
Ural v Zenit: away win (2/7)
After beating CSKA last week, Zenit opened up a 5 point gap at the top of the table. Ural are second bottom, with only FC Anzhi below.
5€ Sunday treble, 22.65€ return
CSKA Moskova v Krasnodar: home win (3/4)
Not sure why I'm picking CSKA as they've only won one of their last seven (D1L5). Hopefully they repay my faith. CSKA are sixth while Krasnodar are fourth.
Kayserispor v Galatasaray: away win (1/2)
Galatasaray are usually a good banker team, but so are Celtic so this will probably bust.
St. Etienne v PSG: away win (8/11)
My most confident pick of the week, banking on Zlatan and Cavani to get PSG the win here, coming off that massive 5-0 beatdown they laid on Anderlecht on Wednesday.
€1 4-way Saturday Premier League accumulator, return of €7.85
Arsenal away win at Crystal Palace (4/11)
I don't know why I got slightly better odds on this than Robert but hey, I'll take it.
€1 "the odds show Italy must be corrupt acca", return of €59.62
Fiorentina away win at Chievo (1/1)
Bookies banking on a decent Chievo defense and a tired Fiorentina side. Alternate bet: 0-0 draw (8/1 odds)
€1 "grab-bag excitement", return of €14.15
Swansea to win vs. West Ham United (3/4)
Tottenham Hotspur to win vs. Hull City (4/9)
PSG to win at St. Etienne (8/11)
Real Sociedad to win vs. Almeria (4/7)
Atletico Madrid to win vs. Real Betis (1/4)
Bayern Munich to win vs. Hertha Berlin (1/10)
Bayer Leverkusen to win vs. Augsburg (1/2)
This should be a big slip of "duh." So which one is going to fuck it up for me? Also I will have all Zlatan Ibrahimovic's babies.
€1 can't-resist bet, return of €5.50
Werder Bremen to win at Wolfsburg (9/2)
Yeah, this is probably stupid, but the two are even on points and Wolfsburg aren't perfect at home. Now that the bet is done, my gut is, of course, saying draw (11/4 odds)
€2 4-way accumulator, return of €17.24
Arsenal away win at Crystal Palace (1/3)
Any club contemplating hiring Tony Pulis should be bet against as a matter of principle.
Tottenham home win over Hull (4/9)
Hull haven't been bad, but I can't see them going to London and getting a result.
Chelsea v. Manchester City: Both Teams to Score (8/13)
I've got no reason for this other than the fact that they are two of the most powerful offenses in the Premier League.
€1 Bet: Liverpool home win over West Brom (2/5)
Goddammit, this will work eventually.