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Songs for Villa Fans

Birmingham City are playing Leeds in the FA Cup this weekend. Either team winning sounds gross. So, Up the Asteroid! Or, Down the Asteroid? Or something, I don't know.

Paul Lambert wants to know if the asteroid can play midfield.
Paul Lambert wants to know if the asteroid can play midfield.
Jan Kruger

This weekend sees the third round of the FA Cup take place. The third round is when the Premier League teams enter the competition. Our own Aston Villa will host Ipswich Town. But elsewhere on Saturday, north of Villa Park, Leeds United hosts Birmingham City. Of course any Villa fan doesn't want Birmingham to win, but the prospect of Leeds winning doesn't sound any more appealing. So as the joke goes, I'd rather see an asteroid win. So here are some songs/chants to sing while waiting for an asteroid.

NOTE: These are all in jest, I don't actually want an asteroid to hit Elland Road or anywhere. If anyone reading takes these as anything other than jokes, you're dumb.

To the tune of

It's big
It explodes
I hope it lands at Elland Road
Asteroid, Asteroid

To the tune of

Chim Chiminey,
Chim Chiminey,
Chim Chim Cheroo,
Who needs Marlon King when we've got a small celestial body that revolves around the sun, with orbits lying chiefly between Mars and Jupiter and characteristic diameters between a few and several hundred kilometers.

To the tune of

Giant, Giant, Giant, Giant, Giant Asteroid,
It can crush much stuff,
It can crush much stuff...

To the tune of

My old man said 'be a comet fan',
And I said' b***ocks you're a c**t (you're a c**t),
We hate the comets and we're gonna show it,
We hate the comets and we f**king know it,
With Centaurs and Neptune Trojans and trans-Neptunian objects

They're the celestial bodies who gonna do us fine,
If you support the comet you're a icy small Solar System body-nosed b**tard and you ain't no friend of mine.

Thanks to the asteroid and comet Wikipedia pages for information, and you reader, if you somehow made it all the way through this.