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Gift Ideas For Randy Lerner's Birthday

As you may or may not be aware, today is Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner's 50th birthday. It's been a tough year for Mr. Lerner, so there's little doubt he could use a bit of cheering up. Finding the perfect gift for the billionaire in your life is never an easy task, but the 7,500 to Holte team (Kirsten, Robert, Gareth, Andrew and myself) have come up with a few ideas that you'll find below. Even though these gifts will arrive at his door belatedly, it's better late than never!

  • A new set of Sharpie-resistent bed linens
  • An autographed photo of Emile Heskey inside a silver frame
  • A jar of Premier League experience to give to potential future managerial candidates
  • Job shadowing session with Bernie Madoff
  • Defensive driving lessons from Barry Bannan
  • A world map with countries that are not a part of the British Isles labeled with something aside from "Here be dragons"
  • A copy of "Financial Tips For The Business of Football" by Peter Ridsdale
  • An American football and Association football, so he can see the difference first-hand
  • Trophy polish (will likely be re-gifted, but it's the thought that counts)
  • A pink slip with the name "Paul Faulkner" written on it
  • A several hundred million dollars, beachfront property in Dubai and a lot more free time to watch his Cleveland Browns

Have we forgotten anything? Feel free to share it in the comments.