Premier League
Thanks to Manchester United's come from behind win at Aston Villa, the Red Devils remain top of the table. Sorry, world, we did our damnedest to stop them. If it weren't for that stupid little pea...
Manchester City also came back from behind, beating Spurs 2-1 with a late goal from Edin Dzecko. And to think people laughed when I said he'd be great this season. That pushes Chelsea into third, but what's more interesting is the next section of the table: West Brom are in fifth and West Ham sixth, both in front of Tottenham Hotspur. How'd that happen?
La Liga
Atlético Madrid are back to winning ways, beating Getafe 2-0, with neither goal coming from Falcao. How very strange. Real remain five points behind, in third, and struggled to eke out a 2-1 victory at Levante. The struggle was more due to the horrendous conditions of the waterlogged pitch, however, rather than the play of either side.
Barcelona continued on their winning, annoyingly unbeaten ways with a 4-2 victory at Mallorca. Barca were up 3-0 at the break, but Mallorca scored twice inside four minutes to give the visitors a bit of a scare. Fortunately, Lionel Messi came to the rescue with his second goal of the match.
Bundesliga
Hey, look at that, Bayern Munich won again, 2-0 over third-placed Frankfurt. That's after a 6-1 Champions League thrashing of Lille midweek, mind. Schalke are still second, beating Werder Bremen 2-1, but they're seven points behind. It seems like we can just give Bayern the trophy now and call it good.
If anyone's a nominal Wolfsburg fan, they had a surprise 3-1 win over Bayer Leverkusen, although they're still stuck in the relegation zone.
Serie A
Juventus took out their wrath over being beaten by Inter Milan last week on poor, innocent Pescara, thrashing the Dolphins 6-1. Meanwhile, Inter celebrated by losing to Atalanta, 3-2, while most of their side lounged on the physio table.
Fiorentina beat the other side of Milan, 3-1, proving that yes, they really are that good this season, with or without Stevan Jovetic. That is, if a win over AC Milan actually proves anything. They couldn't overtake Napoli, however. The partenopei did their best to kill their supporters, going down 2-1 to Genoa before reviving Mazzarri-time and scoring two goals in the final five minutes to win 4-2.
Ligue 1
PSG slipped up against Montpellier, drawing 1-1. Perhaps Zlatan Ibrahimovic shouldn't go around slapping people, huh? But Marseille were unable to capitalize on the dropped points, as all they could do was draw 2-2 against Nice. Mathieu Valbuena missed a penalty for Marseille and Nice scored in the final minutes, so Marseille and PSG remain tied at the top of the table.
And just so everyone is updated, Bastia lost to Valenciennes, who came from behind and scored two goals in three minutes to win 3-2.
Eredivisie
!!! We've got a change in Dutchland -- Twente could do no more than draw 0-0 against Vitesse. This gave PSV, who demolished Heerenveen 5-1, the opportunity to slip in and take the lead in the Eredivisie. Tim Matavz scored a brace inside four minutes, but as it was in the final 10 minutes of the match, I think Heerenveen had just given up.
Considering there were 38 goals scored by 18 clubs this weekend, I think it's pretty safe to say the Dutch are not so good at defense. In fact, it's rather impressive that Vitesse has managed to stop their opponents from scoring in three out of their last four league matches.
Elsewhere
There are MLS playoffs happening. Currently, Seattle are down 3-0 to Los Angeles. I'm going to go pour myself a stiff drink and let y'all sort out what's going on in the rest of the world. Let me know, will ya?