New Aston Villa Products You Can Own!

If you've ever ordered from the official Aston Villa online team store, I assume you got the same email I did today. It told you that you could sign up for a free catalogue (sic?) and see all of the newest things you could buy in the aforementioned store. Well, I've decided to save you the trouble of doing that, and given you some of the highlights of the new inventory below! You're welcome.

• Ever wanted to be like Percy Weasley and be a leader of a swanky British school, but were afraid that your lack of wizarding knowledge (or poor grades) could hold you back? Well, now you can be a prefect of your fandom with the Aston Villa prefect badge! Corral those in your house around with a sense of purpose as you wear this pin that signifies to all just how important you are. Afterwards, perhaps you can get a job with Barty Crouch.
  
• Like carrying around computer files in your pocket? Wish those files would do just enough to stay secure while knowing that the encryption would never make you truly confident? Then the Aston Villa flash drive is for you! 4 GB of just-enough protection.
  
• Time is an odd thing. An hour can feel like a minute, and a minute like an hour. The ways in which we perceive time are fascinating. (Shameless plug: I wrote my thesis on this topic. It has been read less than this article. That's academia!) But if you find yourself wishing that you could just slack off for twenty minutes out of every hour - ok, you already do... but how about if it were guilt free?! Well, with the Aston Villa Watch, you can feel safe in giving your all for 2/3 of any increment of time you choose! Got a soccer match with your mates? Come out strong for the first thirty minutes and then settle in for some easy bunkering in the last 15. It's all possible with this watch!
• Do you have a Barry Bannan, but you don't feel safe driving him around? Well worry no more, with the Aston Villa Car Booster Seat! It's perfect for the miniature midfielder in your life.
  
• Does Alex McLeish make the team play football at a pace that's just too break-neck for you? Then you ought to give these Aston Villa Dominoes a try, for when you just aren't bored enough of life. 
• Dreaming of the day when Villa play beautiful football? Do so in comfort with these Aston Villa Pillow Cases, sure to make those sheep you're counting go sailing over the crossbar... er, fence. 
• Finally, this is just too easy for me to make a joke: Aston Villa Doormats.