Aston Villa vs Wigan Athletic: Saturday, 15:00 BST, 10 AM ET, 7 AM PT, available on fine streams everywhere.
So Villa fans were optimistic last week. Not sure why, really, except that apparently this season a four-match unbeaten streak is cause for great excitement. But we all know how that ended last week at the Hawthorns, so I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not down for calling a win on Wigan. Especially since the Latics have never lost at Villa Park in the league. What's with that? Oh wait ... Wigan have barely been in the Premier League. Moving on.
If Wigan want to stay in the league, however, they're going to need a win. And I might be Villa til I die, but Villa are safe. Barring a horrible horrible goal difference change, Villa could drop all nine remaining points and stay safe. And since the Villa aren't pulling for Europe, why not let Wigan have a nice win?*
As for some actual relevant information: Rejoice, Villa fans, for Emile Heskey will be available! Although I shouldn't be sarcastic -- possibly could have used the big man to, I don't know, get a win over ten-man West Brom? Or perhaps not put on Robert Pires? Who is, incidentally, available. He always seems to be available. Unlike Jean Makoun, a midfielder that's actually valuable, because he has a dead leg. Or Barry Bannan, who it's not fair to give matches to.
Charles N'Zogbia also has a dead leg, and Mohamed Diame is struggling with an injured groin. The match fitness of both will be assessed right at the last minute, as Roberto Martinez doesn't want to let anything interfere with keeping his head, and his team, above water. Worry not, Roberto ... if Wigan go down, Villa will welcome you with open arms. And we'll make that ugly Scot go away.
While I'll be up and watching this match, it doesn't seem like it's going to be a fun one. After just two games, I seriously, seriously hate Gary McAllister. I hate his reasonings (see above for examples). I hate how he talks to the press (almost saying that Villa will never make the Champions League). I hate his track suit. I just downright hate the man. So please, I beg of you, come join me in the open thread on Saturday morning. We'll talk about Richard Dunne's bum wig and avoid all mention of Pires. See you there, a half hour before kickoff.
*Please don't call my bluff, football gods.