Potential Aston Villa Managerial Candidates And The Reaction Their Appointments Would Provoke From Me

With Gerard Houllier's departure from the club expected some time this week, attention has predictably turned to potential replacements. I'm not about to indulge in any speculation; it's far too early in the going for that type of thing and in any case Gerard Houllier's appointment came so far out of left field that it would be a bit silly to think that I could make any sort of reasonable assumption as to what the club are looking to do. There will loads of information coming out in the days and weeks ahead; some of it will be good, most of it will be worthless and none of it will serve as proof until the club gives confirmation.

That doesn't mean I don't have my favorites and not-so-favorites. Lots of names will be mentioned in conjunction with the Aston Villa managerial opening and it's human nature to react in a visceral sense to each and every rumor, no matter how far-fetched it may be. With that in mind, here is a rundown of names that have already been mentioned in connection to the Villa job and the reaction I would expect from myself should they be handed the reigns.

Mark Hughes - Sigh of resignation followed by several hours of watching YouTube clips of mid-1990s Ajax.

David Moyes - Smug and self-satisfied grin.  Unconsciously condescending "chin-up" Twitter posts directed at my Everton loving friends that will likely make them hate me fo at least three months.

Bob Bradley - Steal Gareth's identity so I can bash the appointment constantly without being called an American apologist.

Carlo Ancelotti - Public approval of the club's ability to reel in a "big-name" manager, private frustration that said manager is not really exciting in any way.

Rafa Benitez - Set out to determine whether or not "Rafa Benitez" is Spanish for "Gerard Houllier".

Owen Coyle - Buy 27 pairs of "solidarity shorts".

Sam Allardyce - Put the Aurora Bridge suicide prevention fence to the test.

Alan Curbishley - Charter airplane, impale self on Aurora Bridge suicide prevention fence.

Gary McAllister - Take up interest in rugby.

Gianfranco Zola - Giggle uncontrollably.

Roberto di Matteo - Google "Champions League winning teams managed by extraterrestrials".

Roberto Martinez - Sell all personal belongings, fly to Cleveland, go to Randy Lerner's house, willingly sign myself over to his indentured servitude.