Villa in 2012

I would think that 2011 is a year that most Villa fans would like to forget. Sure April to May wasn't that bad, but the rest of it pretty much sucked.

But 2012 is upon us. It's a chance to change. But it's more likely that things will remain the same.

What you don't know, is that I got a Villa Crystal Ball for Christmas. (It looks like Stephen Ireland's shaven head.) And I have been looking into the future and know what the New Year holds for the Villa. Here's is 2012 in the life of Aston Villa.

January 7: Villa start off their FA Cup campaign with a successful trip to Bristol Rovers.

January 14: McLeish attempts to prove that his teams do attack by going old school, and playing a 2-3-5. But the 5 up top are Alan Hutton, Fabian Delph, Darren Bent, Steve Sidwell, and Neville Neville.

January 28: Villa take on Blackburn in the 4th Round of the FA Cup. Villa win 2-0.

February 2: Barry Bannan is arrested again after drunkenly trying to rob a toy store of it's Legos.

February 12: Villa host Manchester City. McLeish sets the team up with everyone standing on the goal line. Bannan and Albrighton are taped to the corners of the goal. City win 3-0.

February 18: After Villa's scheduled FA Cup opponent players, Derby County, are all injured in a tragic sheep accident, the FA names Blackburn as Villa's replacement opponent. Villa win 2-1.

March 3: Blackburn.

March 8: Alan Hutton injures himself and is out for 3 months after attempting to tackle a tree.

March 17: Villa's FA Cup tie away to Arsenal goes haywire after Andrey Arshavin runs around the pitch with a grenade, ala Brick in Anchorman. Arsenal are booted from the competition and replaced with Blackburn. Villa win 2-0.

March 20: Barry Bannan is arrested for drunkenly joy riding on the St. Andrew's pitch with the Villa mascot and Ebby Nelson-Addy.

April 9: Villa host Stoke and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

April 15: Scheduled FA Cup semifinal opponent Reading are injured after Alan Hutton attacks them with a 2x4 for no apparent reason. Villa defeat replacement opponent Blackburn 3-1.

April 21: Darren Bent scores a brace to beat his old team Sunderland, and proceeds to troll the Sunderland fans by performing "Fog on the Tyne" on the tuba, with Steve Bruce's daughter.

May 5: FA Cup Final day. Other finalist Manchester United are removed from the final by the FA because "seriously, fuck them", and replaced with Rapid Vienna. But after a drunken night at Nando's with Barry Bannan, all of Rapid's players come down with food poisoning. They're replaced with Blackburn, who Villa defeat 1-0 to win the FA Cup.

May 13: Villa stay up on the last day of the season after McLeish reveals the boring tactics were a ploy, and proceeds to play intricate, attacking football that would make the 74 Dutch team jealous.

June 5: Lionel Messi joins Villa after hearing of the legendary Lego sessions with Barry Bannan and Marc Albrighton.

June 27: Marc Albrighton tweets at me on my birthday. I swoon.

July 6: Randy Lerner announces the purchase of Birmingham City, removes them from the Football League, and applies to join the Welsh League. Agent Liam Ridgewell is named manager and finally completes his mission, by getting them relegated to the 4th division of Wales.

July 24: Barry Bannan holds up a toy store while intoxicated. He used a toy gun he got in the store.

August 11: Villa opens the season with a 4-0 hammering of newly promoted Southampton. Messi and Albrighton spend the second half building Villa Park in Legos.

August 25: Alan Hutton is finally sold. Into slavery.

September 15: Messi and Bannan arrested after drunkenly attemping to polka with the guards at Buckingham Palace.

October 25: Villa Haloween party goes wrong after James Collins and Richard Dunne both go as slutty referee.

November 10: Villa go top of the table after beating QPR 3-0, in a game marred by Neil Warnock running naked and throwing up in the center of the pitch.

December 18: Bannan arrested for kidnapping Santa and demanding he be placed back on the nice list.

December 30: Despite dominating the league, McLeish resigns, and is replaced with Jack Woodward, Villa never lose again.

December 31: Villa draw Blackburn in the 3rd Round of the FA Cup.