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John Harkes Is More Annoying Than A Vuvuzela

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DURBAN, SOUTH AFRICA - JUNE 28:  I would rather have one of these blown in my ear to wake me up every morning than listen to one word from John Harkes' mouth (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)
DURBAN, SOUTH AFRICA - JUNE 28: I would rather have one of these blown in my ear to wake me up every morning than listen to one word from John Harkes' mouth (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)
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John Harkes is more annoying than a barking dog at 6am

John Harkes is more annoying than your ten-year-old neighbor getting a drum set

John Harkes is more annoying than your train being twenty minutes late

John Harkes is more annoying than mosquitos

John Harkes is more annoying than sticking the bowl under hot running water a split second before you remember that brownie batter is meant to be scraped off and consumed

John Harkes is more annoying than trying to move a cat sleeping on your lap

John Harkes is more annoying than running in high heels

John Harkes is more annoying than someone who sits next to you on the bus even when there is an open block of seats

John Harkes is more annoying than attempting to fold a road map

John Harkes is more annoying than the person in front of you at the grocery store deciding to write a check

John Harkes is more annoying than being cut off in traffic

John Harkes is more annoying than sitting down to play a round of poker and finding a joker halfway through

John Harkes is more annoying than the fail whale

John Harkes is more annoying than a mouth breather. Oh wait.

John Harkes is more annoying than standing in line for a simple cup of coffee and having the person in front of you order a half caf no sugar extra chocolate no fat almond soy latte

John Harkes is more annoying than hitting your funny bone

John Harkes is more annoying than showing up to a party to find only Bud Light in the fridge

John Harkes is more annoying than multiple invitations to play Farmville

John Harkes is more annoying than Manchester City trying to buy James Milner

 

John Harkes may have been a great player once. But he is a horrible waste of space as an announcer for the World Cup on ESPN. I don't need to hear his opinion on how one team will prevail over another due the fact that they have more "heart". I don't want to know that he believes Argentina to be unstoppable because when they put on their blue and white shirts, it is as though they are putting on the pinstripes of the New York Yankees.

I want peace from inane babblings. I want freedom from banal remarks. I want to hear the drone of a thousand vuvuzelas bursting forth from my TV.

And until that happens, I will be watching Univision.