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Aston Villa Signing Robert Pires: Yes, This Is Another Rant

***Edit: please realize I do understand the benefits of bringing in experienced players, particularly once that likely will not take away from the youngsters. I just wanted to convey that this is certainly not an answer to Villa's injury woes.***

Aston Villa assistant manager Gary McAllister revealed today that midfielder Robert Pires will be joining Aston Villa by the end of the week. Robert Pires. Who is an attacking midfielder. Often used on the wing. And is 37 years old.

Now I realize that I haven't had all my coffee yet, and it's only 6:15 am, but for goodness sake, we must ask the question, WHY? I understand that he's out of contract and that he's a bargain. I understand that he's French, and Houllier must be feeling a bit out of sorts, what with no one around to speak to in his native tongue. I understand that Brad Friedel is probably tired of being invited over to play with matchbox cars with the kids. But is this really the best use of Aston Villa's resources?

Aston Villa's wingers/attacking midfielders/not defensive midfielders:

Ashley Young, Stewart Downing, Stephen Ireland, Marc Albrighton, Barry Bannan (although has done a decent job)

Which of these men ("men"?) are injured? Stephen Ireland is "injured".

Aston Villa's forwards:

John Carew, Emile Heskey, Gabriel Agbonlahor, Nathan Delfouneso, Andreas Weimann

Which of these men are not injured? Delfouneso. His only problem is the spastic-ness that seizes him on the field

Aston Villa's midfielders who have some ability to defend:

Stiliyan Petrov, Nigel Reo-Coker, Steve Sidwell, Fabian Delph, Jonathan Hogg, Chris Herd, Ciaran Clark

Which of these players is not injured? Which of these players has started more than one Premier League match? Which of these players was not originally a defender? I think we just eliminated everyone.

Aston Villa's defenders:

Stephen Warnock, James Collins, Richard Dunne, Carlos Cuellar, Luke Young, Habib Beye, Eric Lichaj, Shane Lowry, Nathan Baker

While the defense hasn't completely collapsed upon us, the fact that both Dunne and Cuellar are injured at the same time is worrisome. Who fills that role, hmmm?


Houllier, I thought we were doing alright. I thought we were enjoying the excitement of the young kids. If you plan to just let Pires lead by example, I can accept that. If he wants to come in for the last ten minutes or so, ok, we might be able to stay friends. Experience is a help at some times, to be fair. Maybe the man can provide defensive coverage, although that's not normally what a winger does.

But if you send that man on at the expense of my adorable little boys having their bromance, I am burning my Gerard Houllier revolution shirt.