I know it's depressing, but take a step back and look at our beloved club's injuries from this year. We've had groin pulls aplenty, enough dead legs to create our own cast member for The Walking Dead, and our little Elf-boy having trouble sleeping. (Matt, you have to change the boombox at night to something soothing!) And as anyone who knows comedy will tell you, a joke can be funny the first and second time, annoying for a bit thereafter, and eventually it passes through that valley and enters the realm of the comedic absurd.
That's where we're at. Villa have entered the absurd in injury land. Emile went and hurt himself, and left us with John Carew. That's like England strikers getting injured and leaving Fabio Capello with Emile Heskey. So this week's Friday Feedback embraces the absurd, and we've love to hear what you have to say in the comments!
This week's question: What mysterious malady/injury/illness/phobia/
- Brad Friedel could break a hip or have an unfortunate accident involving the Shine-O-Ball-O
- Stephen Warnock could go studs up into himself while getting out of bed.
- While looking over his minutes played on the season Carlos Cuellar could eye his Man of the Match champagne and set about on a night that ends in a bit of the brown bottle flu.
- Marc Albrighton could lose a night's sleep because he's nervous about his voice cracking in post-game interviews.
- Steve Sidwell could get glassed by a fellow named Vinnie in a pub in Wolverhampton after being slapped by an unidentified woman.
- Stephen Ireland could be found immobilized in a tanning bed with a boxed set of "Jersey Shore" DVDs and a Blackberry stuck on the Twitter feed of @ItsTheSituation.
- John Carew could end up with a quadriceps contusion thanks to an unfortunate incident in the VIP Room.
- Nigel Reo-Coker could herniate a disk from the weight of carrying these worthless sacks of crap on his back all year.
- Ashley Young could end up with a knock after being tripped by an ant.
- Eric Lichaj could miss time with mysterious wounds in his hands and feet and falling asleep for three consecutive days.
Gareth: Gabriel Agbonlahor = venereal disease. Too easy? It's either that or Steve Sidwell is kept out of the side because Aaron's finally cracked and hired someone to break his legs.
Kirsten: Aston Villa will next lose John Carew to a calf-muscle tear...oh, wait.
Villa's injury woes will continue when Marc Albrighton and Barry Bannan hatch a plot to kidnap Leighton Baines' teddy bear. The operation goes off without a hitch, but when Elfboy and Scottish Wonder* return to their shared Merseyside room, they proceed to get into a fight over who gets to sleep with the tattered bear. Albrighton will win on account of his being .05 meters taller and twelve days older. However, Bannan, unable to sleep without the comfort of something to snuggle, decides to sneak the bear out of Marc's arms during the night. Albrighton jerks awake, sitting up straight and knocking heads with Bannan. Both youngsters are forced to miss the next match with concussions.
*I reserve the right to change this nickname when I think of something better.
Robert: Well, my first thought had Brad Friedel mutilating his perfect pate in a horrendous shaving accident. But the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Stephen Ireland won't report to a match one day. Upon further investigation, we'll find his as lost in his own house as he is the Villa Park pitch.